the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
