We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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