so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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