Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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