Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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