I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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