i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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