she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
