i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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