Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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