I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
