In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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