meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
