Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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