ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
