They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
