I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I died a long time ago.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
