the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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