My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
