I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
