dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
