I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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