shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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