If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
