It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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