What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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