I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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