I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
