I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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