dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
