On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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