She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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