so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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