Moan for me like Helen Keller
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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