Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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