last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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