Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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