Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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