plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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