i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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