RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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