I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Blow job season was short but glorious.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
