i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you inspire me to be a worse person
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
