She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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