the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I look better un-naked...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
