Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize