he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
