I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
