Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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