hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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