If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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