this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
