I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
