If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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