every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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