At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
