If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
