went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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