Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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