i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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