Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
