If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
