I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
