he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
