The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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