I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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