i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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