Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
