bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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