my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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