Got a toothbrush?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
