He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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