I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
