All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
