Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
