Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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