Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
