how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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